I'm moving to a new blog

I've decided to move on from this chapter of my life and go to a new blog. I will now be blogging at my new blog, Awaiting (and expecting) in Joyful Hope.

It's like when you get confirmed and pick a new name. :)

I really want to put my sub-infertility experiences behind me. They'll always be a part of me, but I feel like saying, "Part Two." I will keep this blog up in perpetuity in the hope that it helps another couple out there. This blog chronicles my journey from wondering what's going on, to commencement of infertility testing, all my running around, discussion on all my hopes and dreams and my disappointments, many doctors visits, many tests, discoveries that were made, and all throughout my Catholic faith is a part of this journey. If you read it from beginning to end, it evolved into a Catholic sub-infertility blog. And this blog ends with a happy series of events. That should give someone hope. I hope that my experiences help someone.

About my blog's image header

In July my husband and I took a short airboat ride through a small portion of the Florida Everglades, and I took that picture. I love the way the clouds came out and the beautiful glades came out so perfect! It was a beautiful day.

I've been discharged from my RE

I went to my scheduled appointment with my RE today. He wanted to see me one last time before discharging me from his care.

It went so well. I am so thankful to all of you, to God, and to Mary and all the Saints and Angels for their intercession.

I realized at today's visit that my RE's equipment is not as advanced as my Perinatologist's equipment. My RE has an old Hitachi ultrasound machine with a handle on the side that looks like you could fold it up like a suitcase. (Indeed, one time when they had me waiting in there, I checked out the machine to see how it folds.) Anyway, they zoomed in and we could see it! The little flicker of my Little One's heartbeat. How amazing and precious! Little One's heart seems to take up half his/her body!

My RE and I had a nice farewell, since I am now discharged from his care. I always had the impression that he was always genuinely happy to see me. We shook hands. With a gleam in his eye, he asked me to please stop by any time; he'd love to see me! I said good-bye to all the ladies in the office. It was a nice farewell.

Here's the picture we took:

Little One's heart is beating!!!

I went to my first Perinatologist appointment today for my pregnancy.

He was genuinely happy to see me again. (I consulted him during my whole infertility testing / blood-clotting consult phase.)

I told him everything. I told him I started at 200mg of prometrium and had upped it to 400mg (at my RE's approval).

He says let's go ahead and do an ultrasound, so we did! My Little One's heart is beating!! He said everything looked absolutely beautiful and perfect!! It was so awesome to see the little heartbeat on the monitor. I was so teary-eyed with joy later in the car when I called my husband to let him know.

The Perinatologist said keep up the 400mg, since I am responding so well to it and it appears to be my proper implantation-stay-pregnant-non-spotting dosage. I see him again in 2 weeks.

I quizzed him to see what he knew about why extra progesterone worked when my own is always at the high end of the range. He said there's tons of theories, but scientists still have it unexplained.

Here's my Little One:

Childhood vaccinations

Recent posts from A Thorn in the Pew and Beth, got me clicking around regarding the issue of childhood vaccinations.

According to this article linked from A Thorn in the Pew, "vaccinated boys had a 155% greater chance of having a neurological disorder like ADHD or autism than unvaccinated boys."

In 1983, the Centers for Disease Control recommended a total of 10 vaccines for children. In 2007, the CDC recommends 36, an increase of 260%.

Other stuff through that link:
Our children are also experiencing an epidemic of autoimmune disorders –Type I diabetes, rheumatoid arthritis, asthma, and bowel disorders. There has been a 17-fold increase in Type I diabetes, from 1 in 7,100 children in the 1950s to 1 in 400 now. Juvenile rheumatoid arthritis afflicts 300,000 American children. Twenty-five years ago this disease was so rare that public health officials did not keep any statistics on it. There has been a 4-fold increase in asthma, and bowel disorders in children are much more common now than they were 50 years ago.

A Dr. Miller offers this alternative vaccination schedule with justification.
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Update
Thanks again to A Thorn in the Pew, I've come to learn that certain vaccinations are cultured from aborted fetal tissue cell lines. As a devout Catholic, I cannot inject my children with these kinds of vaccinations; we will have to use the alternatives.

There's more here and here and here.
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Update
Florida Exemption Information

Update
Ma Beck found more information on the aborted fetuses used for vaccinations at this link.

WYD SYD 2008 - 'Dare You To Move' Promo Video

Awesome video on World Youth Day 2008. God bless you all.

5 week, 6 day ultrasound

Thank you so much for your prayers, everybody!!!

I went to my RE appointment today. He took this ultrasound and my Little One is doing really well.

Look how much bigger Little One has gotten!!!!

My RE says everything looks great. He says he wants to see me one more time before he discharges me. Okay. I go next Tuesday again. (In the meantime I've seen my OB/GYN and she's referring me to a Perinatologist.) And he said I'm okay with my self-increased dosage of prometrium. (I increased to 400/day from 200 after that spotting scare.) He just told me to take one in the morning and one at night. I'm pleased to report that ever since my scare and 400/day since Friday, I have no more spotting today. All is really going well. I'm really feeling a lot better and relaxed about this now. Whew! I'm really feeling happy. I feel like I've found my key. I think once I have a successful appointment next week (heartbeat PLEASE!!!), I'll feel even better!!!

I met Fred Thompson!

My husband and I have been following Fred Thompson's hopeful entrance into the Presidential race for months now. We were so pleased to see him announce his intention to run on September 5. I really like him on all issues. He really meets my requirements in a President (pro-life, immigration and protecting the border, taxation and market-based economies, federalism, etc.)

We went to see him when he came to South Florida recently at the Versailles Restaurant in Little Havana. We recorded his entire speech, including questions and answers and posted it here. As far as we can tell, we're the only people that recorded and uploaded this event. The video on YouTube has garnered over 500 views.

He mingled for quite a bit afterwards, talking to people and answering their questions. Towards the end, I asked him if I could have my picture taken with him. He was such a gentleman! He took my hand and said, "it would be my honor." I was so touched. He was also walking out at the same time and there were so many people there, and here's the picture:

You can't tell from this, but he's holding my hand in this photo. He was on his way out the door and I quickly looked at my husband and smiled.

At 5 weeks, the Little One looks like this:

Correction to my earlier post. THIS is what Little One looks like at 5 weeks gestational age, 3 weeks of development:

Isn't that just amazing??

Miscarriage Scare

Last night a small amount of brown discharge came out. I got so scared. I really think I need extra progesterone. I took two of my progesterone pills (instead of one) before I went to bed hoping to push back a miscarriage. The next doctor I see is my RE on Tuesday morning. Last time I saw him, I expressed my concern whether or not my progesterone dosage is enough; I'm going to really stress that I should probably have more or in a different form.

Last time I miscarried it happened like this: I had a brown discharge one day, and the next it was coming out all red. So, you can see my concern.

So, I spent the night praying and praying. What a night for me. I prayed the rosary before going to bed. I prayed for Saint Gerard's intercession. I asked God to please, please help me.

This morning, there was hardly any brown discharge. Much, much less than yesterday. This afternoon, there is even less! (Not a sign of red.)

I happened to have my TCM appointment this morning. She took my pulse, and she says I'm still pregnant. Boy, did that make me happy again! (If you don't know, the Chinese can tell pregnancy by pulse.) She told me everything is going to be alright. She immediately gave me a Chinese Herb concoction right then and there. (She's fully aware of the progesterone I'm taking and what it does and all.) She gave me herbs for the next four days. She acupunctured just six points today.

(Side note if you want to read this: my TCM lady told me she just found out this morning that she's pregnant. I was really happy for her. I asked her if she takes herbs and all, and she said of course. She said she'd been monitoring her cycles and preparing her body by taking her own herbs. It sounds like it happened quickly for her, but she is a TCM doctor after all and she's always monitoring her own health. SO, I'm happy that we'll be sharing our pregnancies together.)

So, a bit of a scare, but I'm optimistic again. I'm going to keep taking two of these prometriums each night and then see what the RE tells me.

Please keep praying.

This just in:
H/T Megan. These are the levels of progesterone that a pregnant woman should have.

My husband and his best man are hilarious

My husband's best friend and his wife are expecting their first baby (a son) in December. My husband and his friend have known each other since they were boys in school.

SO, my husband told his friend today that we are expecting a baby. They were both so happy. YAYyayYAYyayYAYyay, we get to be fathers together and our children can play with each other like we did. YAYyayYAY.

THEN, in all silliness, my husband said to his friend, if I have a daughter, maybe we can make an arranged marriage, THEN we can be fathers-in-law together and we could be related! His friend loved the idea! YAYyayYAYyayYAYyay we can be fathers-in-law together.

These guys are hilarious, I tell you.

THANK YOU!!!

My husband and I are getting more and more excited each day. He told his parents today, asking for their prayers. So, our families know!!!!

I'm so touched by all of your prayers and comments to my post of yesterday. I never had that many comments before. I may not have as many comments as this woman (because I know I'm not funny like her and I was getting down and all), but I have to say, I felt so happy when I saw how many people responded to my request for prayers. May God bless each one of you and grant all of your personal intentions.

I had to tell my boss. I didn't like having to tell so soon, but I was scheduled to go to Indonesia at the end of September, and it's way too risky for me to go. It's 30 hours each way to Indonesia! And have you seen their toilets? This is the danger time, and I really need to take care of myself. Stupid trip to Indonesia...made me have to tell at work so soon. (My boss is really supportive, by the way.)

Remember when I bought those books? I gave my husband his book, My Boys Can Swim. Actually, it's more like a 92-page booklet. According to the author, it can be read in four extended trips to the john. I've already read the Introduction and First Trimester (and, no, I was not in the bathroom at the time). My husband has read the cover. Hopefully, he'll pick it up soon. Maybe I should place it by the toilet.


Meanwhile, I started reading my book, the over 500-page tome known as What to Expect When Your Expecting. So far, I've read the forward, the introduction, the first two chapters and I started reading The First Month. ahhhhh I've read FOUR fertility/infertility books in the past year, and it's so refreshing to read something different. I felt like I was stuck in the fifth grade forever and couldn't graduate.

I'm going to have to move all this to a Pregnancy Blog soon. I know very well how sensitive talking about pregnancy is to all the women that are still bearing the cross of infertility/sub-infertility. I pray and pray that your prayers will be answered soon. I thank you for all the support you've given me. Living like this for almost two years changes a woman. She never forgets what it's like to have cried and prayed so hard for something that she wants so much because she feels a void. After I move these posts to my new blog, I'll keep this one up in perpetuity, as a testament of one woman's journey to unravelling her puzzle of sub-infertility. Maybe my posts will help another woman someday. They have helped me.

And please keep praying. I hit six weeks next week, a scary time for me.

I need prayers because I have an announcement

I've been holding back. I held back because I needed to tell my family first (to ask for their prayers). Now, I ask for your prayers.

Where do I begin?

Oh, yes. I begin here, a post from August 24. The reproductive endocrinologist suggested I take progesterone supplementation (even though my progesterone always tests in the healthy range (and explanation is in the earlier post)). I was to start taking it from three days past ovulation and see what happens. I was to stop at 12 days past ovulation.

So, on the 13th day past ovulation (the Tuesday after Labor Day), I decided to take a home pregnancy test. Just in case. Besides, that Tuesday morning I was leaving for my company's annual meeting in Miami and I wouldn't be back until Friday night. SO, just in case I am pregnant, I'll take a test, just in case I am, that way I can see the doctor before driving down and keep taking the progesterone.

So, I took the test.

I rubbed my eyes at first. I thought I could see a really, really faint line. I rubbed my eyes again. It's too early, I said. Maybe my eyes are all cloudy from sleep, but I could see it, the faintest, faintest line. I checked with my husband just to be sure.

I came out of the bathroom.

Me: Honey, look at this. Do you see a second line?
Him: I have to turn on the light.
He rubs his eyes and starts squinting.
Him: Is a second line supposed to mean pregnant?
Me: Yes, do you see it?
Him: It's really, really faint, but I see a second line.

I called and got a quick appointment with my reproductive endocrinologist for an hour later! He did an exam and said everything looks fine. We did bloodwork. I got the results the following day, and my hCG was 31.

I went to see my TCM lady on Saturday. She took my pulse. Yes, it's nice and lively, she said. She only acupunctured four points -- one on each ankle, the top of my head, and my forehead. She gave me some herbs "to keep the baby in." I also made a special chicken broth on Sunday.

Yesterday (at 20 days past ovulation), I had an appointment with my reproductive endocrinologist. He did bloodwork, and I got the results today. My hCG was 1106. And while there we took the below picture. This is our Little One at five weeks. Little One is the lima bean shape towards the center of the photo.

I need your prayers. I'm a little nervous about hitting the six week mark because that's the farthest I've ever made it. But this time I have progesterone (prometrium in 200mg capsules taken nightly). I've also consulted my hematologist, and since my blood-clotting disorder (Protein S Deficiency) does not affect women until the 2nd trimester, I will be put on lovenox (blood thinner) when I get to 10 weeks.

My vocation

I've told this story before. It's the endearing story of me in kindergarten being asked by my teachers what I want to be when I grow up, and I replied, "I want to be a mommy." I probably looked then as I do in that picture at the left.

(Please excuse the curtains. It was the '70s, after all. Actually, they're kind of back in style, aren't they?)

At mass yesterday, we had a visiting priest. Actually, he wasn't visiting from too far -- he was visiting from the office of the diocese. He is in charge of the office of vocations. He said that with all the noise in the world, many of our young men may be called to the vocation of priesthood, but in all that noise, they don't accept that calling.

I have a calling. I've heard it for a very, very, very long time. My calling -- my vocation -- is to be a wife and mother.

It's hard sometimes to just wait for something you've always wanted. I am answering God's calling. Maybe my message went to His voicemail. (Hahahha - I'm just kidding.) I have to trust, I have to have FAITH that this will happen in His time.

I'm going to show you something. It's my report card from my final year of high school:

• AP Calculus: A
• AP Physics: A
• College Humanities I & II: A and A (these were offered through my local community college)
• College American Government I & II: A
• Typing: A
• Introduction to Computers: A (a real waste of a class; this was back in the DOS days)
• AP French: A (c'est tres bien, n'est pas?)
• Advanced English: B

Okay, so I got one B -- that's why I majored in engineering.

Here' s my report card on reaching my vocation of motherhood (to living humans): Fail

For someone that gets mostly As, getting a Fail grade isn't a good feeling. Can you all understand that?

Do you know why I earned good grades in school? It was so that I could go to college, work for a bit, and save to help buy a house for my future children. All that planning since I was in kindergarten for one goal! My husband says maybe I should not have let my entire life revolve around my vocation, but what is a mother to do? Mothering IS my vocation, and everything over the past three decades has revolved around my vocation.

Note that above I said, "to living humans." Because I am a mother -- to two souls in heaven -- but I still have the unfulfilled vocation of mothering children on the earth.

I think of those two souls from time to time. Through God's mercy, I may see them someday. (I will try my best not to trespass.)

By what manner and when will I fulfill my vocation of motherhood? Now THERE's a question to which I sometimes want the impatient answer!

I need not worry, right? Our reasons for not readily getting pregnant are unexplained. THAT means we are either (a) totally healthy, so just wait or (b) scientists haven't studied that body of research yet. It's as a medical doctor once told me -- "we only know 10% of everything that's going on."

And next time I get a positive pregnancy test, I'll be on the blood thinner to control my Protein S Deficiency.

Not too long ago down at our community swimming pool, I asked my husband,"WHERE is our child at the moment? The one that is to BE?" My husband, without missing a beat said, "He is in the MIND of GOD." That's my husband, a man of succinct sentences.

And so our future children ARE in the MIND of GOD.

I accept His vocation, however it may be.

I just get a little melancholy because my life's purpose has not been fulfilled. I have a vocation. An unfulfilled vocation at the moment. I will wait and see what happens (i.e., see how and when it happens).

And how treasured and loved our children will be!